Gratitude.

I have no idea why some of this has a white background, I haven't figured it out quite yet.

grat·i·tude

noun the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful

As Thanksgiving rolls around I’ve been thinking quite a bit about gratitude and what I’m thankful for. The usual: great family and friends, school, a healthy body, etc. But I’ve learned a new form of gratitude: accepting Finland and being away from the wonderful U.S. before I go nuts.

A few days ago I had a huge ‘culture shock.’ It includes:

·         Extreme homesickness

·         Desire to avoid social settings which seems threatening or unpleasant

·         Physical complaints

·         Sleep disturbances

·         Difficulty with coursework and concentration

·         Loss of your sense of humor

·         Boredom or fatigue

·         Hostility toward the host culture

Basically, I was hysterically crying and seriously considered booking a flight home at the end of the semester. I got so fed up with not being able to see my family, friends that I don’t have to tone down my English for, and school that I cared about. I would have done anything to go home that weekend, and I almost did. Thankfully I didn’t! It was such a pain in the ass to get over here in the first place. Anyways, I very much experienced all of these things and learned a lot about myself and studying abroad. Firstly, I’ve been missing Montana like crazy and been feeling so hostile towards Finland. It’s not Finland’s fault I chose to move here. J I haven’t gone out in literally weeks, I had to buy an eye cream because of dark circles, I sleep way too much (does this count as a sleep disturbance?), my moods have been out of control, I failed that damn Finance exam, and I’ve been ‘bored’ with my experience. I had no idea this was what culture shock was. I imagined this feeling when I first arrived of adjusting to extremely strange things. In reality, the language was the strangest thing to me when I first got here but then I realized nearly everybody speaks English. I wasn’t prepared for my emotion center to be totally out of whack or that culture shock essentially equals my adjustment to being away. Obviously the advisors covered this during the orientation but how can I pay attention to things like that when I just want to figure out how to get all my stuff overseas?

I think studying abroad for a whole year is so different than one semester; probably the main reason for this is year-long exchange students don’t have something to look forward to at the end of the semester. We don’t have Christmas Eve followed by a great Christmas day with family. We don’t get to tell all of our experiences and say how great and amazing it was, because we’re still not home. This is probably the hardest thing. I think why I had my momentary freak out was due to going to Amsterdam and expecting to come back to a place that feels like home, whereas I came to a place I haven’t fully adjusted to yet. The things I do get to look forward to are so neat though! First, Ian and I are visiting Christoph in his hometown near Munich. I also get to see his girlfriend, Simone, who is such an awesome girl and I’m bummed she doesn’t live in Finland too. Then, we’re going to Vienna because Ian’s aunt lives there and that’s where we’ll spend Christmas. After that I may go to Berlin or London to visit Amy and David (Meg’s niece and boyfriend). So I have some pretty awesome things coming up! It’s very easy to forget about these awesome things when all you can think about is beautiful Montana snow and mountains.

To cure my boredom and hostility toward Finland I write down one thing every day that I’m grateful for in Finland or my study abroad experience. It’s literally a list in a little notebook. And, for the last four days it has helped! So, here is my ‘Gratitude List’ thus far:

11.19- Not being in Montana because the Bobcats got killed by the Griz. I’m glad I won’t be  hounded by obnoxious Grizzlies this year. FTG!

11.20- Jyväskylä Christmas Market.

11.21- SNOW! Finally.

11.22-   1. Being good at conjugating Finnish verbs.

2. RoseAnna, my Dutch friend, who also will not see her family over Christmas because she is staying until January.

3. Finland having the perfect amount of snow now, I can still ride my bike.

4. The option to retake tests! I never want to revisit that Finance book again…

I’m grateful for my gratitude list! It truly is helpful when I’m feeling down and now everybody knows the downs of studying abroad. J Hopefully happy blogs from here on out!

P.S. FTG. Go Cats Go!