In my last post, I said that I didn’t know how to feel at
this point. And I am 100% still feeling like that, but I’m doing something I’ve
never really done before- just live in the present. I’m a planner, hence my
major, and I am always planning
something. For me cutting back is making a to-do list the night before each day. I’m glad I planned myself into studying
abroad though. Living in Finland for the last eight months has absolutely been
the most life changing experience I could have imagined.
It seems so long ago when I was filling out papers, writing
essays and simply dreaming about living in a new country. I didn’t even really care where I went, I just
needed to go. I didn’t care what people had to say about safety precautions,
what to bring, the cultural adjustment curve; I didn’t care about what people
were saying about these so called ‘difficulties.’ Studying abroad is fun,
simple as that. I was so wrong.
I’ve always considered myself to be extremely independent
and I didn’t need people to take care of me. My independence was seriously put
to the test since August 29th. When I got on that plane, all I could
feel was pure excitement and nothing else. The minute I landed in Helsinki
though, I realized I had no idea what
to do. I had too much luggage and too little Finnish language skills. Wait a minute, I can’t read a single thing
and have never ridden a train before. At first, that is such a scary
feeling. All my comfort was completely
torn away which is something nobody can be prepared for. When you study abroad,
you sign yourself up for complete independence shock without even knowing what
you’ve done.
The first few weeks felt like this:
Where is Target? I packed too much stuff. Nobody wears jeans
here? So it’s okay for me to drink although I’m not 21 yet? I’ve just met
people from every country in Europe. Finnish sounds weird. I only have one fork, knife and spoon and no
frying pan and no toaster. Do I talk funny? Am I developing an accent? I’ve
only been eating Cheerios because it’s the only thing I can read. Biking makes
me sweaty; do I have to this the entire year?
Why does the coffee taste so bad? When can I start travelling? Oh, my god I
miss Montana.
Or something like that…
I never truly appreciated what I had back home- my favorite
coffee shops, The Bay, close group of friends, never wondering where anything
is at, my car, familiarity of campus, hiking the M, my running trail, knowing
where to buy anything, my hair dresser...English.
These are all things I identified home with, but never realized how important
they were. I arrived in Finland and had no idea what to do. I really did eat
Cheerios until I figured out rice, frozen vegetables, and sweet chili sauce. I
found bigger stores that have an American sized variety of food, a new hair
dresser, my new coffee shop, I figured out campus, and after what felt like a
long time, made some seriously amazing friends. For me, it takes a while to
develop close relationships and now that the end is here I’m finding myself
feeling attached to these people. Though what’s felt so hard to do, I’ve made
myself a small home here in Jyväskylä, Finland.
Before I left, I imagined myself having a nine month
vacation. Some of that is very much true. Amsterdam, Germany, Vienna, Czech
Republic, Lapland, London, and Estonia made the best mini vacations. This is
why I can’t pick a favorite; the feeling with all of them was so different. It
can’t be described because the pure shock value of something so incredibly new
is very personal. The second factor that made my exchange a ‘vacation’ was that
I only needed to pass my classes. The vacations couldn’t outweigh the hard
times. The loneliness, isolation, uncertainty, homesickness, cultural
adjustment, and constantly having to learn to adapt could not be washed away
from my side travels.
The best thing about living abroad- the sheer satisfaction
of knowing that I did it. Even though so much of my time was spent feeling
isolated, lonely, uncertain, and homesick, I overcame all of it. Now that it’s
the end I keep thinking “Why couldn’t I have felt this way the entire year?” I can honestly say how comfortable I am in my
own skin and with my own thoughts, I truly love myself. That’s something that is so hard to achieve
through life and I’ve at least made a big step in the right direction. I love
the true confidence and independence living abroad gives you- no matter how
independent one might think they are, it is absolutely tested once they leave
their comfort zone. That’s the best thing I could have done for myself; to
leave my comfort zone. I feel so
different from when I left and in the best way possible.
