What Studying Abroad Does to You

I leave Finland in ten days; my nine month adventure abroad is almost over.

In my last post, I said that I didn’t know how to feel at this point. And I am 100% still feeling like that, but I’m doing something I’ve never really done before- just live in the present. I’m a planner, hence my major, and I am always planning something. For me cutting back is making a to-do list the night before each day.  I’m glad I planned myself into studying abroad though. Living in Finland for the last eight months has absolutely been the most life changing experience I could have imagined.

It seems so long ago when I was filling out papers, writing essays and simply dreaming about living in a new country.  I didn’t even really care where I went, I just needed to go. I didn’t care what people had to say about safety precautions, what to bring, the cultural adjustment curve; I didn’t care about what people were saying about these so called ‘difficulties.’ Studying abroad is fun, simple as that. I was so wrong.

I’ve always considered myself to be extremely independent and I didn’t need people to take care of me. My independence was seriously put to the test since August 29^th. When I got on that plane, all I could feel was pure excitement and nothing else. The minute I landed in Helsinki though, I realized I had no idea what to do. I had too much luggage and too little Finnish language skills. Wait a minute, I can’t read a single thing and have never ridden a train before. At first, that is such a scary feeling.  All my comfort was completely torn away which is something nobody can be prepared for. When you study abroad, you sign yourself up for complete independence shock without even knowing what you’ve done.

The first few weeks felt like this:

Where is Target? I packed too much stuff. Nobody wears jeans here? So it’s okay for me to drink although I’m not 21 yet? I’ve just met people from every country in Europe. Finnish sounds weird.  I only have one fork, knife and spoon and no frying pan and no toaster. Do I talk funny? Am I developing an accent? I’ve only been eating Cheerios because it’s the only thing I can read. Biking makes me sweaty; do I have to this the entire year? Why does the coffee taste so bad? When can I start travelling? Oh, my god I miss Montana.

Or something like that…

I never truly appreciated what I had back home- my favorite coffee shops, The Bay, close group of friends, never wondering where anything is at, my car, familiarity of campus, hiking the M, my running trail, knowing where to buy anything, my hair dresser...English. These are all things I identified home with, but never realized how important they were. I arrived in Finland and had no idea what to do. I really did eat Cheerios until I figured out rice, frozen vegetables, and sweet chili sauce. I found bigger stores that have an American sized variety of food, a new hair dresser, my new coffee shop, I figured out campus, and after what felt like a long time, made some seriously amazing friends. For me, it takes a while to develop close relationships and now that the end is here I’m finding myself feeling attached to these people. Though what’s felt so hard to do, I’ve made myself a small home here in Jyväskylä, Finland.

Before I left, I imagined myself having a nine month vacation. Some of that is very much true. Amsterdam, Germany, Vienna, Czech Republic, Lapland, London, and Estonia made the best mini vacations. This is why I can’t pick a favorite; the feeling with all of them was so different. It can’t be described because the pure shock value of something so incredibly new is very personal. The second factor that made my exchange a ‘vacation’ was that I only needed to pass my classes. The vacations couldn’t outweigh the hard times. The loneliness, isolation, uncertainty, homesickness, cultural adjustment, and constantly having to learn to adapt could not be washed away from my side travels.

The best thing about living abroad- the sheer satisfaction of knowing that I did it. Even though so much of my time was spent feeling isolated, lonely, uncertain, and homesick, I overcame all of it. Now that it’s the end I keep thinking “Why couldn’t I have felt this way the entire year?”  I can honestly say how comfortable I am in my own skin and with my own thoughts, I truly love myself.  That’s something that is so hard to achieve through life and I’ve at least made a big step in the right direction. I love the true confidence and independence living abroad gives you- no matter how independent one might think they are, it is absolutely tested once they leave their comfort zone. That’s the best thing I could have done for myself; to leave my comfort zone.  I feel so different from when I left and in the best way possible.